Saturday, 13 December 2008

Magic, never ages!

When I was young I thought the stars were made for wishing on
And every hole deep in a tree might hide a leprechaun
Old houses all had secret rooms, if you could find the key
I do believe in magic, I believe

Magic is the sun that makes a rainbow out of rain
Magic keeps the dream alive to try and try again
Magic is the love that stays when good friends have to leave
I do believe in magic, I believe

Growing up the grown-ups said someday I'd wake to find
That magic's just a childhood dream I'd have to leave behind
Like clothes that would no longer fit and toys that I'd ignore
I'd not believe in magic anymore

Now that I am grown I found that much to my surprise
Magic did not fade away, it took a new disguise
A child, a friend, a smile, a song, the courage to stand tall
I do believe in magic, after all

Magic is the sun that makes a rainbow out of rain
Magic keeps the dream alive to try and try again
Magic is the love that stays when good friends have to leave
I do believe in magic, love's the greatest magicI do believe in magic, I believe


i just found this in my documents on my computer, its amazing how language and writing can take you back, can stril things up and can be so descriptive and such a release when you can hardly see staright! the beauty of writing is the hard copy that will always be present. "words are just sounds in the air" but can create miricles, build barriers, depict love, display hate, evoke a reaction, create movement or give pleasure. when written on paper its fact, unchanged reality that as it ages offers a true reflection on you past! the beauty of language!

When I cry I feel empty like it’s the last resort. The way we have been cloned by the first bread has shattered my illusion of the perfect life. I once again feel inadequate to the person that I once was. This shadow upon me refracts my view leaving my judgement of life jaded as it quivers below my disfigured humour. This broken bridge of which I once stumbled upon was thought to have been bound with the conspicuous knowledge that one day it will all be ok. But when I turn around to reach for the hands of those that formed the banister I was told to grasp along the way, I am greeted by a void that can turn the warmest of hearts cold. No sound can be heard. Unlike in the conventional lurid nightmare, that the na├»ve people, created in the wombs of today would imagine, as this is a feeling that no individual can prepare themselves to encounter. No hour in a day nor drug prescribed to intoxicate you can prevent these feelings of suffocation. Like a baby held underwater, crying for air, eventually giving up the struggle and watching their life being sucked away from their newly created hands. It’s the way those that choose to give up feel. This was just a stage on the road to recovery they will try to say however don’t be deluded. Its something not built of tarmac yet when wet like your tears it proves hard to walk through. Don’t let them take away you prestigious struggle to succeed and for them to take the credit. Its that pathway of picture frames. A forest of your own manuscript. No musician could compose a piece so dark as to make one turn their back on visual imagery and life itself. its those that make a stand that can regain their breath with pride and put their hand on their heart and truly mean it when they say “I weathered that storm too….and I made it.”
There are some situations where all you can do Is simply let go and move on,
Just gather your courage and choose a direction That carries you towards a new dawn.
There might be adventures you never imagined Just waiting around the next bend,
And wishes and dreams just about to come true In ways you can't yet comprehend!
You'll be going to a place you never expected And see things that you've never seen,
And travel to a fabulous, faraway world And wonderful spots in between!
Perhaps you'll find warmth and affection and caring And somebody special who's there
To help you stay grounded and listen with interest To stories and feelings you share.
Perhaps you'll find comfort in knowing your friends Are supportive of all that you do,
And believe that whatever decisions you make, They'll be the right choices for you.

Friday, 5 December 2008

cambodia/ malopprbang

people, loss, kindness, distruction, love, forgiveness, pride, respect, deprived, humble, reflective, keen to learn, never forget!

when i was in cambodia i set up a school on the beach! started with 2 girls making bracelets for me and i offered to help them write notes the the peoplethat sponspre their schooling and by the end we ended up with 16 pupils. myself and dave my traveling partner just helped them write down english as they could speak it quite well. they were so greatfull and keen to learn. i thought back to when i was at school and hated going in sometimes or played up in class and i realised how lucky we are and how lucky the children are that we will be working with on our project. to be in school, learining, in contact with projects like this and plays and literature. i hope we can show them how great this gift is though our work! i dont know how but after seeing these children flock on the beach when they should be braiding hair or selling fruit to make money for thier own family at the age of 7-18 ive realised how fast they are forced to grow up!

Malopprbang is also set up to help street kids and females get a better life for themselves. to make things and sell in a shop instead of beg or teach a trade and recieve money for it. i went to work with this organisation and you can see a real exchange. i dont mind giving money as long as its an exchange. that does not have to be goods though, it can be time or patience that is all i ask and all malopprabang ask.

The Damage Done by Warren Fellows

A book i read when traveling.................

Im going to tell you about the worst thing that ever happened to me. I dont know really want to tell you because its too terrible for me to recall. but i have to tell you. Its important that you know. and i have to get it out of my heart. This thing went on for eleven and a half years. think about that. think of the most wretched day of your life, maybe its when someone you loved died or when you were badly hurt in an accident or a day when you wereso terrified that you could scarsely bare i. imagine 4000 of those days, together in one big chunk, your getting close.

I do not tell this story to bring pitty on myself. i know that many people hate me for what i did and would believe that i deserved whatever i got. i can only ask those people to keep reading. If at the end of my story, you still believe that anyone could deserve the horrors that i saw, the you too are a criminal. A vengeful and sadistic one. Maybe you just have not been caught yet......

Ill spend the rest of the day convincing myslf that im not in that place any more. But i know that place, the horrors that occured, and all the loss it delivered me is burried in my heart forever. and from that, im afraid, i cant ever be free.

The Killers!

are we HUMAN or are we DANCERS????

Thursday, 4 December 2008


i felt like i was going to explode with all those ideas!!!!!!!!! i didnt spell check or anything so its a bit messy and irratic but i couldnt have checked taht it cam to easily and any editing would have taken away from my thought process!

dont let the bed bugs bite!

OK im going to put this out there. i have never slept well, im 21 years old and still have really really bad nightmears however i have an idea. im certain im not the only person to feel this way. not all 21 year olds i mean when you young and bed time, instead of being tranquil and an escape can be a scary thing that is feared. i was chatting with rosie today about this idea i have for a prominade performance based around the themes of my last blog about children/parent (family) intergration and breaking of barriers.

this is at its very first stages but i imagine.......

somehow finding out from our own nightmares and imaginations as well as school children etc what its like in their not so nice dreams (i appreciate you would have to be tactfull but not sure how just yet)

i would then turn these into mini experiences and have outcomes.

bare with me....

i imagine a main character (eg an 8 yr old girl in her pjamas with a teddy) icon of bedtime! it could start with hot chocolate for the crowd (thats what i have before bed) and mass bookshelves with amaing books from our childhood like the hungry catipillar and were going on a bear hunt etc! this gives parents time to read to thier children (something that they may not normaly have time to do or get in from work too late and miss bedtime stories etc)

then there could be a duvet section (or something to symbolise the bed and comfort, i imagine lots of fabrics (like comfort blankets etc) and some sort of ritualistic game and then eveone lies down!

then drem like music (magical so thier dreams appear to come to life with lights and glitter and sounds!!!!!!!!!

then they walk though a path (site specific) and they face thier fears...... a giant wardrobe thought to contain an evil dragon is actually just........... (somthing else and they do an activity at that stand, the idea being the mum/dad works with son/daughter to crack some sort of bed time code that could then be used (whatever it is... like a rhyme/poem) could be read at the childs own bed time to sooth them or even something more grown up!

i like the idea of owning a star with your parents. anything you cant tell them you wish upon a star...... ok im going off on one! but i see this as massive and part scary but leading into a resolution and the conclusion is team work wthin familys. like a magical dream treasure hunt with a prize to hold at the end but to win the gift of togetherness!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and they all lived hapily ever after


Tuesday, 2 December 2008

Parents and students

Hey a random one but yo may have heard me speak alot about parent/student relationships and its something that i am really interested in. i like to think of myself as an example. parents still married and a sister i get on well with but there are still things i seem to protect my parents from. as starnge as it sounds, the big things ive lied about (not like i went to the park instead of a sleepover when i was 13) but i mean those big life experiences that noone should go at alone i often dont tell my parents for fear of upsetting them or shatteing thier world! i then think about my possible family and how i would hate my children to keep those big things from me! ofcorse its important that parents dont know everything just like adults dont tell children everything but for some strage reason i cant help but think that the reson i said or say nothing is not because im ashamed or scared but because of this idea of protection! can anyone shed any light on this?

i believe that through drama we can help berak these barriers. it will take persistance and bravery to challnge parents on thier approach as i can only imagine that i would not be best pleased to have a 20year old girl doubt mine and my childs relationship but with this could come amazing results.

small case sinario could be more trust at home, happier children and better quality of home life. big scale being less crime/ underage pregnancy pregnancy and less broken homes maybe? i dont know really if im right its just something i think is undescovered and i would like to maybe uncover a part of it? maybe through the big project?